Today is actually starting off better than I'd hoped. Woke up at almost 9 and realized Glen wasn't watching TV.. usually not a good sign. Went into his room and sure enough, he was sitting on the floor.. but with a big grin on his face, go figure. He'd only gone down a few minutes before, it wasn't the middle of the night, and Kevin was home so all in all it was very convenient. Got him up and he's now having some breakfast. He was really awake and not druggy this time and so could actually tell me that his legs just gave out. I realized that he needs to make a left turn to get to the door (his left side is his weak side), and that he goes down in that same spot every time. May be time for some furniture rearrangement. Unfortunately it's also another indication that his legs are starting to be more involved. Damn.
Yesterday was an especially rough one. He had an very bad night Friday with extreme vomiting and was very weak and tired all day. He actually felt like he might have a slight fever but seems much better today. The really interesting thing is that for whatever reason, Glen was here.. the real one.. and we got to talk about a few things. Much of it was sad but still good we could discuss it. He was power grinding, and I finally coaxed out of him what it was.. he was thinking about his older brother, and (um.. gonna paraphrase here) how they didn't get along well growing up. Ah hell.. his actual words were: "in my formative years he was an asshole." He said he figures there's about a 50/50 chance he's going to see his brother again. [For those who don't know, Bob's in Alaska until the end of September] Glen acknowledged feeling scared, and feeling like things were going to go downhill quickly from here. That being said, he had no regrets about decisions we've made concerning feeding tubes, trache tubes, etc. I said that the way he was feeling was probably just a little glitch and he'd be better soon. He shook his head no. He doesn't seem to think there's a lot of this left to go on. I think Kathy was right.. the issues with Bob are because when he's clear, he's kind of reviewing his life and was thinking about his childhood.
I asked him if he believed he was going to see his Mom and Dad and he said yes. I said hey wait a minute.. you and my brother aren't going to be coming back and messin' with me are you!? He gave me a big grin. I told him I wanted NO shenanigans!! He grinned again. I may be in trouble.
As mentioned earlier, he slept in today and despite his fall seems to be in a good mood. He's had some fruit and is waiting for Kev to come back with coffee and breakfast. His color is much better and his breathing is somewhat shallow but much easier than yesterday. Sadly.. "real Glen" is gone again, and we're left with the power-grinding, Martha-searching adolescent version. Oh well. It was a nice visit.
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